Once I get started on baseball it’s hard to stop me, so I’ll try and keep this brief. First of all, congratulations Twins. That playoff was one for the ages. As Bob Murphy might have said, “this is heart-stopping baseball. Pulsating baseball. Nobody has sat down in the last 4 or 5 innings, incredible!”

Now, let’s talk playoffs. Things to look for:
1. Since the introduction of the Wild Card, only the legendary 1998 Yankees have had sole possession of the best overall regular-season record to go along with a World Series trophy. Will this trend continue, or are the 2009 Yankees that good?

2. In 2006, limping into the playoffs seemed to work for the Cardinals. Will history repeat for the 2009 group of Redbirds?

3. Can the Phils score enough runs to support their dogshit bullpen?

4. Should the Dodgers barely miss the World Series, can the Curse of Don Mattingly get national attention?

5. Can the Twins ride their ridiculous hot streak straight to the World Series like the 2007 Rockies did, or is their competition just too strong?

6a. Can the Angels finally beat the Red Sox in October?
6b. Can the Yankees finally beat the Angels in October?

With the Metsies long out of it, the question is who do I root for? Though I pretty much hate all other National League teams, anyone who has no personal stake in these playoffs should be rooting for the Rockies. If Bud Selig is greedy enough to allow World Series games in November (without the help of terrorism), then he deserves the headache coming to him when Coors Field is covered in 4 feet of snow come Game 3. In the American League I’d like to see the Twins get a shot to keep this decade’s list of Champions between 9 teams instead of 8. If the Angels win, fine. If the Red Sox win, fine–but seriously, fucking enough already.

Anyone but the fucking Yankees. They’ve had their century. Now, onto my official predictions (please note I’m predicting with my head, not my heart):

DIVISIONAL SERIES
Yankees over Twins in 3
Red Sox over Angels in 4

Cardinals over Dodgers in 4
Phillies over Rockies in 5

CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Yankees over Red Sox in 5
Cardinals over the Phillies in 4

WORLD SERIES
Yankees over Cardinals in 4

If I’m right, I feel awful sorry for Twins, Red Sox, and Cardinals fans who watch the Yankees win it on their turf, then go on to hear about how inferior they are from visiting douchebag Yankee fans as they exit their stadium–especially you poor Twins fans. Those fans can at least take solace that they aren’t Mets fans who have to put up with that shit on a daily basis–amongst many other headaches of course.

(for those wondering how good I am at predicting baseball, typically I’m either 90% right or 100% wrong, but it’s rarely in the middle. Just flip a coin. Shit, it’s baseball–I’m pretty sure odds makers do the same thing.)