Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category

Ham City Kev’s 2009 Awards

A shitty year to end a shitty decade. 2010 ain’t looking up either. Oh well, here’s how 2009 was in my world:

CONCERT OF THE YEAR

Metallica
Madison Square Garden
November 14.

2009 was a pretty fucking slow concert year for me: only 5 shows. The quantity was low, however the quality was pretty solid. The Virgo took me to see Nightwish at the Nokia Theater on May 2, which was cool. On August 26 we were at Terminal 5 for the “last ever” Nine Inch Nails show in New York. It was sadly (although not entirely unexpected) a lousy show, not helped in the least by the sweatbox, deathtrap, dogshit venue that is Terminal 5. Seeing the reformed Alice in Chains at Irving Plaza on September 8 runs a close second to the Metallica show. A few nights later marked my 12th Rasputina show (clip from different show), this time at the revamped Knitting Factory in Brooklyn. A solid venue, despite the annoying hipster-friendly area.

Then, finally, Metallica in November. It was only the second time I’ve seen them, the first being the St Anger (ugh) tour in 2004. On that night, I heard none of my beloved Kill ‘em All. On this night, despite the awesome setlist, still no Kill ‘em All for me–until they closed the show with Whiplash and Seek and Destroy. Fuck yeah! It was the icing on the cake. Hearing Turn the Page–a karaoke favorite of mine–was another huge treat.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Really?

Wow, what a total shit year for me musically. I’m not saying AIC’s comeback album is bad, it’s just not that special. And yet, who’s competing with them? Rammstein’s new album pretty much sucked, and Dethklok‘s sophomore release was pretty tired the first time I listened to it. Am I missing anyone else? Someone please tell me. Until I hear from you, Alice wins by default, which is fucking sad–both for the award and for the band.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR

They changed the original ending–one of my favorite endings of all time–and I still love this movie. That’s a tribute to director Zack Snyder for his painstaking efforts to keep this movie as close to the original 1986 comic mini-series (with the exception of the previously mentioned altered ending) as possible. And c’mon now, can you argue that this isn’t the coolest movie intro of all time? There’s just something about re-creating the Kennedy assassination, complete with splattered brains, that says, “buckle up folks, this movie’s going to be different.” You gotta love a movie that has balls like that.

As far as Watchmen’s competition at the box office this year, I can’t say I saw a lot of other movies. I missed out on big names like Transformers and Terminator due to complete lack of interest. Of the other nine 2009-released movies I saw this year, only 2 gave Watchmen a run for its money. Star Trek was fun, and JJ Abrams deserves a lot of credit for being able to drastically alter the Trek timeline while being absolutely respectful to the fanbase at the same time (and all the in-jokes that were cleverly sprinkled in for the fans were certainly appreciated). The Road was horribly depressing, and very very very well done. However, neither were anywhere near as fun to watch as Watchmen. I may not have seen every movie released in 2009, but I find it hard to believe there’s one better than this.

And for the record, Avatar sucked.

FAIL OF THE YEAR

CITI FIELD

If you want to peruse a wide variety of foods or go on a baseball shopping spree, Citi Field is great. If you want to watch a baseball game, not so much.

We Met fans were told a lot of lies about Citi Field going into the season. We were told there were no obstructed views in the park, and there turned out to be blind spots everywhere–literally. We were told all areas of Citi Field would be accessible to fans, and yet everyone who tries to walk along the second level of seating without a ticket is not allowed access. We were told we’d be blown away, and… we weren’t.

But the lies weren’t the biggest problem. The most frustrating aspect of Citi Field is all the areas in which the Mets could have scored an easy “A” and yet failed miserably, namely: the total and complete lack of Mets history. The unfitting black-colored outfield walls, which were black because a more Met-like blue wall–we were told–wouldn’t work (really?). The total absence of posters, signage, or even blue and orange paint. The fact that it took hundreds of blog entries around the internet like this one to even get our playoff achievements displayed, and even that they fucked up at first. The same can be said about celebrating our former great players within the park, and when they finally listened to us we were supposed to be happy with hidden displays like this.

This is all just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not even going to get into head-scratcher shit like the stupid ugly tarps they threw above the bullpens because I’ve already gone on too long.

Bottom line: it doesn’t feel like home. Granted, a winning ballclub would go a long ways in that respect, and we’ve been made more promises about making it more Mets-centric in 2010, but this is a 2009 review–and in 2009, Citi-Field was nothing more than an over-priced, over-hyped ballpark the Mets seemed to be temporarily subletting until a new, more Met-centered home was built (or until the Dodgers came back from LA). That would explain why we weren’t allowed to paint or hang pictures, or why we didn’t bother unpacking any of the Mets-history stuff.

WIN OF THE YEAR

PILGRIMAGE TO CEDAR POINT
Sandusky, OH

As I said after I got back, if you’re a roller coaster fan and have toyed with planning a trip to The Roller Coaster Capital of the World: stop toying with it, just go. It’s more than worth it. Crackerman, Siamese Dream, the Virgo and I drove all the way from Queens to spend 2 full days there, and it wasn’t enough. For those who aren’t into roller coasters, you just don’t know. Cedar Point is Coaster Mecca. This is not an exaggeration.

Cedar Point is fucking magic. Where to begin? How about jolt we all got when we first laid eyes on it over the horizon and realized after years of dreaming, “holy shit, we’re actually here. We are actually fucking HERE.” Or maybe our first trip down Millennium Force‘s 300 foot drop at 90+ mph. Or later on during our first day when the bliss that is Maverick somehow bumped Great Adventure’s El Toro out of my Number One Coaster spot. Or the non-coaster thrill rides I wasn’t even considering when we planned the trip like Skyhawk and Power Tower. Or after a day filled with thrill rides and 15 roller coasters, a soothing walk through the stunning Starlight Experience to calm the adrenaline, followed by a dip in our hotel hot tub at 10pm, a walk along the Sandusky beach at 11pm, and frozen drinks until it’s time for bed, as we drift to sleep with the Millennium Force music still happily playing in our heads.

Cedar Point is the fucking best.

Six Flags Great Adventure, our home park, is certainly nothing to shake a stick at. It’s widely accepted as one of the premiere coaster parks in the world. And yet, Cedar Point blows it out of the water–not just for all the reasons listed above, but for what I believe is the most important intangible factor: the staff. It’s a weird thing to celebrate, but it’s deserved. Those kids are probably making nothing yet they couldn’t be happier to work there (it seemed that way anyways–and isn’t that all that counts?). They were having fun with eachother, having fun with the rides, and having fun with the guests. Fun was in the air, and it was intoxicating. You couldn’t help but be on top of the world. Sometimes literally.

Hands down, Win of the Year. Thanks again to Crackerman, Siamese Dream, and the Virgo for making it happen.

“All clear, you’re outta here… enjoy the rest of the day at Cedar Point, America’s Roller Coast. Ride on!”

Happy New Year! No show this week…

2010 sure started out well for us here at GordTep.com. Earlier this evening, Kev & I recorded a show. Sadly, Kev’s computer crashed, and the hour-long episode of 300 Bucks Damage was lost forever. Our attempts to recover the audio were unsuccessful. It also turns out that I actually had a recording issue too. Tangled wires in my new setup created some awful feedback for a large portion of the show until I figured it out and fixed it — that would have made much of the show virtually unlistenable anyway.

So it turns out we just weren’t supposed to do a show this week. C’est la vie. We’ll be back in action next week though. In the meantime, please check out the archives and enjoy some of our previous episodes.

If you use iTunes, please find us and subscribe. If you use Zune, please do it too. If you use myYahoo, or iGoogle, or some other RSS reader, please add us. Here’s the link to our general syndication feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/3BD

Once you’ve subscribed to 300 Bucks Damage, you’ll get the latest show when it’s posted every Saturday, and you’ll be free to listen at your leisure. You should still visit GordTep.com though because we have plenty of entertaining crap on here, but seeing the subscriber count go up makes us happy.

Also, as always, please spread the word to your friends and neighbors about what a hilarious podcast 3BD is.

Happy New Year!

Thank God For YouTube – Stetson is Easy For You

GordTep.com presents: Thank God For YouTube! Here we will showcase random, unrelated media that–for whatever reason–left an impact on us. In the best case scenario you will see something you haven’t seen in over 15 years yet remember like it was yesterday. Today we have…

Sorry for not posting in a while, it’s been quite a hectic month. Anyway, consider this a Season’s Greetings from me to you. Christmas just isn’t the same without this fucking ad, is it? That’s right: it’s better without it. For whatever reason this commercial popped into my head last night, and just like it always used to do, it’s taken up residence in my brain and refusing to fucking leave. Because I’m such a nice guy I figured I’d share my pain.

I hated this goddam ad. First off, a given: the song is fucking irritating. Secondly, how is a cologne “easy for you”? EASY HOW?! And finally, what the fuck is a cowboy with 2 horses doing in Central Park? And why 2 horses if the woman is just going to ride with guy the whole time? Did they want to have the woman on the other horse but on the day of the shoot they found out she couldn’t ride it properly, so they stuck her with the cowboy? Was there supposed to be a second set of cowboy and cowgirl in the commercial but someone didn’t show up so they scrapped the second pair but used the extra horse for the hell of it anyway? Were 2 horses ordered for the shoot by mistake and the production company decided to get their money’s worth out of it? I WANT TO KNOW!

Furthermore, why wait until the last moment to reveal they’re in a city setting? Is that supposed to be some kind of swerve? Did the original version not have that last shot, leading Mr Stetson to tell an ad exec, “it’s too country, I need city folk to feel comfortable wearing it. Throw in a skyline that appeals to them. I want it to be easy for them to make that purchase.” Eh? Whadda ya think? Am I onto something? No?

Screw you then. Merry Christmas. When this song is still in your head 3 days from now, think of me–and dammit, come up with some answers.

Gord Tep’s Top 10 All-Time Christmas Presents

With Christmas right around the corner, I felt compelled to put together a list of my top 10 greatest Christmas gifts from childhood. Feel free to post some of your own favorites from over the years.

Honorable Mentions: G.I. Joe Video Game for Commodore 64 (1986), Superman & Batman/Orko (1984), Jabba’s Palace/Ewok Village (1983)

YamahaPSS380#10 – Synthesizer – 1991
Circa October 1991, I was wandering around Child World looking at the different keyboards. This was one of those gifts that I never asked for and totally didn’t anticipate. I saw the prices and didn’t want to request one because I had decided a hundred bucks or so was too much for one gift. Seeing this in the early morning on December 25 was a super surprise. I even taught myself how to read and play music for a little while, but I got tired of it after a couple months. That was the end of my musical career.

terrordrome#9 – Cobra Terrordrome – 1986
This was enormous. I have no idea what the price was, but it had to be a lot. There were so many awesome secret compartments in this sucker, even a jail for the captured Joes. It came with a ship too. I remember it launched out of the top. Look this thing up on-line somewhere to see pictures, it’s awesome. Big bases / playsets were a rarity– but one out of like 10 friends would have one, and I’d always be in awe.

WWF_Wrestlemania_Challenge_NES_ScreenShot1#8 – WrestleMania Challenge – 1990
There are two presents that stick out in my mind from that year. One was “The Simpsons Sing the Blues,” which virtually every Simpsons fan got at the time. It was pretty crappy. WrestleMania Challenge, however, was the brand new game for Nintendo. I don’t know how my brother got a hold of this one though because KB & TRU were both sold out when I went looking for them. This was also the first time I was introduced to the multiple box, multiple wrapping paper gag. The game was small, but it was inside several boxes and wrappings so that it was impossible to predict what it would be by looking at it. For 1990, this state-of-the-art game had awesome graphics. Just check out that opening screen of The Ultimate Warrior.

3E6j#7 – VCR – 1992
Up until this point, we had one VCR. That VCR resided in the living room. The only problem was that I had a gazillion video tapes and always wished I could watch them whenever I wanted. My desire to go to sleep at night with a movie of my choice playing on the tv was finally realized– and it’s something I often still do (only now it’s with DVDs). Being able to play and record from my bedroom was a huge deal.

snake mountain#6 – Snake Mountain – 1985
In the same vein as the Cobra playset, this was Skeletor’s headquarters. This precedes the Terrordome by a couple years, and it’s thus more memorable. The most significant aspect of Snake Mountain was that it had a microphone and voice changer. You would speak into it, and it came out of the speaker sounding far more evil that you actually spoke it.

Picture 321#5 – Hart Foundation – 1987
LJN Wrestling Figures were the absolute greatest toys out there. My collection of everybody from Hulk Hogan to Ted Arcidi was my most prized possession (much like my toys still are today). However, the newly released Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart were impossible to find at Toys R Us or Kay-Bee. The only place that I ever saw them was in a little local shop called “Colony.” Naturally, Colony had them priced at double what TRU sold LJNs for. My parents refused to buy these extra expensive superstars, and I accepted that they would never be part of my league. Miraculously, my brother snatched them up in spite of the price. I was shocked when I pulled back the wrapping paper to see these guys on Christmas morning.

1990_topps_box-183x300#4 – Topps Baseball Wax Box – 1989
The 1990 baseball season was several months away, but Topps was already producing cards for the upcoming year. I was blown away with a FULL box of packs to open on Christmas morning to get me started on building my own hand-made set.

zartan1#3 – Zartan – 1984
My all-time favorite G.I. Joe character. Known as the master of disguise, Zartan came with a mask, and his body changed colors (he became blue) when exposed to sunlight. “Santa Claus” gave me this one at the Long Beach Rec Center during a Christmas party. I was fascinated how he knew my name, and knew that I wanted Zartan.

StartingLineup#2 – Starting Lineup Talking Baseball – 1988
SLTB was incredibly close to being number one on my list, but when you get to number one you’ll see why it couldn’t be anything else. At this point, I was a rabid Met fan. Baseball had conquered He-Man, G.I. Joe, and even Wrestling. At 8, I knew virtually every player in the major leagues, their team, position, and at least a little about them. I studied the 792 Topps cards, and played against neighbors and friends in Rotisserie Baseball leagues. During a Thanksgiving trip to Ohio (visiting family), I discovered this game in a store. You could call it love at first sight. A computerized, strategy-based baseball game that came with all-star & hall of fame teams, yet was compatible with add-ons of every major league team.

camcorder#1 – Video Camera – 1993
This was several years in the making. From the time I was about 7 or 8, I desperately wanted a camera so I could make my own movies. Getting that camera was so important that I began saving for it. I would put money aside from my allowance or miscellaneous jobs. In 6th and 7th grade, I started selling baseball cards and card holders that I was buying at card shows for a nice profit. All the money that came in went into my camera fund. Finally, when I was older (13 at this point), I was able to get one. I paid for about half of the camera, I think the total was around $600. The excitement this thing brought me was unrivaled by any gift ever.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Grandpa Gustafson

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

GRANDPA GUSTAFSON

Seriously, have you SEEN the Grumpy Old Men movies? Is there one–ONE–single line that comes out of Burgess Meredith’s mouth that isn’t funny?

I gotta be honest here, I don’t know what to write without turning it into a memorable quotes post. Grandpa Gustafson is kind of an idol for me. I’d do well to live to 95, drinking, smoking, and eating bacon the whole way–while being a funny ass motherfucker to boot.

Grandpa Gustafson, God may have forgotten about you, but I certainly didn’t. I salute you.

Thank God for YouTube – Encyclopedia Britannica Douche

GordTep.com presents: Thank God For YouTube! Here we will showcase random, unrelated media that–for whatever reason–left an impact on us. In the best case scenario you will see something you haven’t seen in over 15 years yet remember like it was yesterday. Today we have…



I’m not proud of posting this. Few commercials in this world have annoyed me more. Everyone remembers this douche taking up a whole minute of commercial time during our cartoons. No bright colors or flashing lights or cool toys to keep us entertained, just disgusting arrogance with a sprinkle of school work and a whole lotta bland, boring white background. The only reason I’m posting it here is because I want to join others in announcing to the whole world:

Fuck this guy. Fuck him and his mandibula.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – John Doe

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

JOHN DOE

Most people have seen Seven so this may seem like a crazy post, but it’s real simple: AFI doesn’t put John Doe on their list of the 50 Greatest Villains of all-time?! Seriously?! I know the AFI lists are horseshit, but really?! Are you fucking kidding me?! How do you miss Kevin Spacey’s brilliant performance as John Doe?!

AFI missed it. Empire Magazine missed it. In fact, the only people not missing it are dipshits like me in ding-dong blogs like this. Pisses me off…

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Big Ern

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

ERNIE McCRACKEN

Too many people haven’t seen Kingpin and therefore don’t know about Bill Murray’s best role ever. Easily one of the funniest and most ruthless villains in cinematic history, he ranks third on my all-time list of Best Antagonists (behind Joker and Stansfield).

As Bill Murray allegedly does in most of his movies, he does not stick to the script. In fact, according to the Farrelly Brothers, every line from Big Ern is just Bill Murray off the cuff, and it goes without saying he’s at the top of his game in this one.

Ernie McCracken is glorified by the media despite being a hall of fame prick… and well, now he’s glorified by me. If you’re a Bill Murray fan and you haven’t seen Kingpin, see it. You won’t regret it.

300 Bucks Damage Promos

Podcasters! Here are a couple of 3BD promos I just whipped up… play it on your show and we’ll reciprocate.

Promo 1

Promo 2

Email us at podcast@gordtep.com

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Wiseguy

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

WISEGUY ON THE SIMPSONS

Though he was once referred to as “Raphael,” I don’t buy it. This guy is nameless, and better that way.

You’ve seen him I’m sure, wandering around Springfield, doing odd jobs and dropping sharp sarcasm on anyone he sees. He is, legitimately, one of the most consistantly funny characters that The Simpsons has to offer. It’s a crime he doesn’t get the recognition he deserves, so I’m dedicating this week’s entry to him. Here are, in my estimation, his three greatest hits:

“Hey fatty, I got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!”
“Do us a favor! Invent yourself some underpants!”
(in re: “I’d kill you if I had my gun”) “Yeah, well, ya don’t.”

As for the dozens of other fantastic quotes this guy has dropped in the past, I leave that to you. Please respond to this post with your favorite Wiseguy quote and together we can make this a truly special tribute.

Switch to our mobile site